Flashback
by SophieRomanoff
Summary: When Clint and Natasha are sent on a mission to Russia to find an ex agent of the Red Room, things don't go as planned. Back at their safe house, Natasha has a vivid panic attack and is trapped in her head. Clint has to get her out if he wants to see his NAtasha again. Say 13 of prompt challenge!


Hey everyone, welcome to day 13!

Today is flashback, and trust me I know about this shit. The details are from what I know happen to me, and what people have told me I do and say. Warnings for mentions of rape, sexual assault, panic attacks, flashbacks obvs, self-harm thoughts and scratching oneself in the moment, and suicidal thoughts. A cookie for anyone who can tell me what book series I pulled the name Vasilisa Belikova from.

net ... net ... pozhaluysta, ya ne gotov – no…no…please, I'm not ready

Pozhaluysta ... Bol'no, bol'no, perestan'! –please…it hurts, it hurts, stop!

Mne negde v mire – I have no place in the world

Da ser- yes sir

FLASHBACK

Natasha couldn't sleep.

Beside her on the small, single bed lay Clint, fast asleep with his arm dangling over the side of the bed.

They were in the middle of Russia, tucked away at one of the Shield safe houses. It had been a tough mission, with them being tasked to take down an old Red Room agent. Her name was Vasilisa Belikova and her and Natasha had crossed passed many times. Or rather, her and Natalia had.

She had gone back to her old name for the mission, and her expression had gone from fairly open to closed off and hard. This woman was expecting the infamous Black Widow, Natalia Romanova, murderous assassin.

She'd got that.

Clint had stayed back, watching their exchange from the roof, and his stomach had been tied up in all kinds of knots as he watched the Natasha he knew disappear before his very eyes.

She had spoken in fluent Russian, her accent chilling Clint to the core.

She had weaved a tale of being imprisoned by an American agency, held and tortured for years until eventually she had used her Widow charms and conned one of the agents into having sex with her and leaving her the key to the doors, under the promise of them running away together. She spoke about how much she had enjoyed slitting his throat and watching him bleed out, how his eyes had betrayed how much she had screwed him over.

She tipped her head back and laughed, the noise not like her usual heart-warming giggles. This was bitter and ever so slightly manic. He'd known then that the repercussions of this mission were not going to be good.

Natalia had sweet talked and manipulated the woman into giving them the location of her safe house, convincing her that they had to band together to take down those American agents who were coming for all ex- Red Room agents.

Only ex because, a year after leaving The Red Room, deep in the ranks of the KGB, she had returned to her previous home and burned the whole thing, and the people inside, down.

It wasn't her finest work, she'd been brutal and world weary back then. She hadn't given a thought to the girls they would surely be conditioning inside the buildings. She had only thought of setting them free.

It was alarmingly easy for her to bring that Natalia back, and she could feel her insides burn like she had swallowed battery acid.

She had left, under the guise of stopping a few agents she had on her trail, and said she would meet her the safe house.

She had met up with Clint, and they had walked the short distance to the house.

Shield had told them to kill the woman and the other two on the run with her, but Natasha had wanted to bring them in.

Clint had done it for her, and she would do it for these girls too.

But they hadn't wanted to come. One had silently put the gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger and the other two had tried fighting their way out. They'd shot at Clint and Natasha and they had had to gun them down.

They hadn't spoken on the way to their own safe house and the silence was suffocating. But Natasha couldn't speak, not yet, not so soon and Clint had left her to it whilst he phoned Phil and organised their way out of Russia.

He'd sat with her on the bed, hand in hand until he had eventually fallen asleep.

Now, she sat with her back pressed the wall, her eyes shut and her hands tangled in her hair.

Her heart was already racing and she stood, starting to pace the small width of the room to try and get out her pent up feelings.

She did that for nearly two hours, her legs burning a little.

She'd just been starting to think she could maybe sleep when it hit her.

Natasha stumbled back with the force of the memory, back hitting the wall.

She sank down, her memories coming faster until she was slowly sucked into the world inside her hand.

It was like it was happening all over again.

She could feel the hands touching her, pushing down the straps of her ballet leotard, spreading her legs…

A strangled yell escaped her lips and her nails found purchase in her arms as her green eyes stared ahead, seeing nothing but everything at the same time.

Clint startled at the yell and was off the bed with his gun in his hands in seconds.

When he saw Natasha, he dropped the gun and was across the room in a heartbeat.

He knew better than touch her, simply dropped to his knees and spoke her name.

She didn't appear to hear as she pressed against the wall and spoke in broken Russian, interjected with soft gasps or whimpers.

"net ... net ... pozhaluysta, ya ne gotov-" She whispered, rapidly shaking her head.

"Natasha?" Clint spoke calmly. "Can you hear me?"

"Pozhaluysta ... Bol'no, bol'no, perestan'!" She gasped, her breathing harsh and ragged.

Her nails were drawing blood now and Clint wanted to reach out but knew that would break her.

He'd have to wait it out, to keep talking to her and try and pull her out of her head.

"Mne negde v mire." She whispered, starting to repeat that phrase over and over again.

"Da, ser." She murmured, nodding her head in answer to whatever her head was showing her.

Clint wasn't fluent in Russian but he had picked up enough from his partner to understand most of what she was saying. It tore straight into his heart and he almost felt sick.

Her flashbacks were usually this vivid but she seldom talked besides the odd 'no' and 'yes, sir' and this was so much worse.

"Natasha? I don't know if you can hear me, but you're safe, you're not there anymore, I-"

He was cut off by the sounds of screaming. Natasha had one hand yanking at her hair, the other still drawing blood from her arm.

Her cries were desperate and terrified, and the sound chilled him right down to the bone.

She'd been shot, blown up, stabbed, tortured and more yet he'd never heard her scream like this.

He backed up and pressed the call button, holding it to his ear.

"Barton?" Came the sleepy voice, "It's two in the morning, what is it?"

"Phil, I don't know what to do, I-"

"Clint?" The voice was far more awake now and he heard the sounds of Phil sitting up.

"It's Natasha, she's having a flashback and she-"

Screaming reached Phil's ear and his heart lurched.

"She won't wake up and she's just staring at nothing, screaming and crying and scratching herself-" Clint shuddered, watching the redhead snap her head back against the wall and let out a keening moan that was somehow even worse than the screaming.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to wait it out." Phil cursed, rubbing his forehead.

"Speak to her, if that doesn't work, there's sedatives in the med bag."

"Phil, no, I can't do that, there has to be something else, she's trapped in her head." He whispered, hand tugging his hair.

"I can only think…it's not going to be pleasant but, try cold water. Don't get too close but put cold water on her pressure points, on the back of her neck and try to get her to drink some."

Clint didn't ask how Phil had come up with that, just ran to the shitty bathroom and turned on the tap. He let the water get cold and shoved one of their water bottles under the stream.

With Phil on speakerphone, he positioned himself on the bed so if she attacked, he could leap out of the way.

He trickled the water onto the back of her neck and pulse points, talking loudly to her in English.

Something he had done had begun to pull her out of the flashback and Clint whispered a soft thank you before hanging up the phone.

"Natasha, you with me?" He asked softly.

The redhead slowly lifted her head and nodded, dazed and confused. "Y…yeah, what's going on?"

"You're safe, yeah? We're in the safe house in Russia, you're with me and you're not there anymore."

Natasha blinked and looked down at the blood trails on her arms. Her throat burned and she just knew she'd been screaming.

Shit.

"Clint-" Her voice wobbled and instantly he was on his knees and pulling her to his chest. She cried a little, pressing into him, her whole body shuddering and wracked with tremors.

"I've got you, Natasha." Clint said softly, carefully not to use any of the usual Russian nicknames he used.

"I'm sorry, I…I don't even remember…" She shuddered, closing her eyes and pulling in another strangled breath.

"You're okay, now." Clint said quietly, touching her back and cupping her cheek with his fingers.

"Do you want me to stop touching you?" Clint asked quietly, to which Natasha shook her head no and burrowed closer to him.

"Alright." He hummed. "Let's at least get onto the bed, hmm?"

Natasha nodded again and Clint wordlessly scooped her up off the floor and onto the bed.

Under the thin blanket, she still shook against his chest. He began to hum softly, rocking her without even realising.

"Try to sleep, Natasha." He breathed as he watched her eyelids flutter.

"I've got you, I'm not going anywhere." He whispered.

Natasha may not have remembered the flashback by the next morning, but she did remember Clint softly singing to her as she fell asleep in his arms.

I could drag you from the ocean

I could pull you from the fire

And when you're standing in the shadows

I could open up the sky

And I could give you my devotion

Until the end of time

And you will never be forgotten

With me by your side

Fin-

PS the song Clint sings is called Somebody To Die For by Hurts and is the most perfect Clintasha song ever.


End file.
